Sunday, May 01, 2005
The New York Times > Reuters > News > 'Desperate Housewife' Laura Grabs Stage from Bush: " First Lady Laura Bush grabbed the stage from President Bush at the White House correspondents annual dinner on Saturday and confessed to all his early bedtimes had turned her into a ``desperate housewife.'' ``I've been attending these dinners for years and just quietly sitting there,'' the First Lady told the audience. ``Well, I've got a few things I want to say for a change.''
One of her main targets was the president's bed time.
``I said to him the other day, 'George, if you really want to end tyranny in this world, you're going to have to stay up later,''' Laura Bush said. ``Nine o'clock and Mr. Excitement here is in bed, and I am watching 'Desperate Housewives' -- with Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentlemen, I am a desperate housewife.''
Laura Bush also ribbed her husband for his notoriously rowdy youth, but said they were meant to be together.
``I was a librarian that spent 12 hours a day in the library. Yet somehow I met George.''
The roasting continued as comedian Cedric the Entertainer took the stage, even though he conceded that ``I thought I could follow the president. The first lady is something different.''
He said Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has two sides to her, one that's all business and one that has street credibility.
``Condi is the person you see on television with the nice hair, and then there's Leezza, the one with her hair wrapped up on the phone with her girlfriends watching BET (Black Entertainment Television).''
I watched this live on C-Span last night and it was absolutely hilarious. The other zingers in Mrs. Bush's monologue last night included these (loosely paraphrased) that I remember:
"One night we were so desperate that Lynne Cheney, Condi Rice, Karen Hughes and me all went to Chippendale's after George and Dick were asleep. It's was OK because Ruth Bader-Ginsburg and Sandra Day O'Connor were there to keep it quiet. Lynne got a new nickname that night however and now we all call her 'Dollar Bill.'"
"It took me some time to get used to being part of the Bush family. I had my first clue when we went to a family party and they were giving out prizes. The first prize was a three day stay with the whole family at Kennebunkport. The second place prize was a ten day stay."
"George did buy a ranch in Texas as you know. But I have to tell you George didn't really know much about a ranch. They just didn't teach much about "ranching" at Andover and Yale.''
When George sees a problem on the ranch the only thing he knows to do is go get a chainsaw and just cut it all down. I'm convinced that's why he's gotten along with Cheney and Rumsfeld all these years."
I thought Cedric was good on the bride in Georgia - laughing he said, "...why couldn't that girl saved that poor boy's a**, and instead said, 'Honey, I can't go through with this', but no, she had to get herself kidnapped, cut off her hair and run off to Vegas...'
If you get a chance watch a repeat on C-Span - the best network on television ever.
By the way, I wish we had a "C-Span" coverage of all the state legislatures; I know that would change how the NC Legislature mis-behaves .