Jokes for Saint Patrick's Day

Wet Miranda: "A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.
'Father, forgive me for I have sinned.'
'You've sinnned?'
'Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times.'
'Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down.'
'Will that wash away me sin?'
'No, but it will get the silly smile off your face.'"
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An Irishman finds a Genie lamp and rubs it. Out comes the Genie and asks "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like" Irishman scratches his head, then answers "A bottle of Guinness that never gets empty. "Granted master" retorted the Genie and
produced the bottle. The man was delighted and got drunk on this one magic Guiness bottle for weeks then he remembered that he had two other wishes. He rubbed the lamp again and the Genie appeared. "Yes master, you have two more wishes, what would you like?" "You know that magic, never ending Guinness bottle" he asks the Genies. "Well, for my final two wishes, I'd like another two
of them"